Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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