She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
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I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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