Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
