Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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