I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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