new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
