I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
