Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
