So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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