You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
