literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
