I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
