She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
