He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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