I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
