I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
