The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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