yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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