I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
