You just made me feel so damn special
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Couch. On fire.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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