i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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