I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
