I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
