White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
