Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
