is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
