i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They have beer where we have blood.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
