What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
