if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
