Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
