Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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