Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
