The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
