Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
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I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
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If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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