is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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