just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
