I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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