Jerry, you need to find god
Barsexuality is the new black.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
