This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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