Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My vagina just recognized that song.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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