Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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