Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
