i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
