i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize