Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
