Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
