yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
