areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
