Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
