i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
pop tarts are not kleenex
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
