You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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