She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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