2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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