i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
