Non-Jews are for practice
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
how drunk are you?
Several
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
