words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize