Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just pynch a tree in the face
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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