Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
