I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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