i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
