my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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