Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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