please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
