Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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