Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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