I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
