there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
