Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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