I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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