hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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