Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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