I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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