My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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