when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
